Your Vulnerability is a Hidden Virtue
We need to stop framing vulnerability as a vice, but rather a virtue.
When I was thinking about what this week’s newsletter should be about, I took some time to really check-in with myself. Lately, I have been waking up with pangs of anxiety and feeling generally unsettled inside. It is one of the tell-tale signs that I am starting to view things around me without God in the picture.
A few weeks ago I finished something that I have been working on for several months, I resorted to delaying this for fear it simply was not ready. It was only when I allowed myself to truly feel what was bubbling away beneath, that I came to realize I was making up excuses. I was hiding from myself, afraid to draw back the curtain, that carefully curated cover that I showcased to the world.
I knew how overwhelmed I could get just by how much I felt. That familiar torrent of unease, self-doubt, desperation and gut-clenching fear that can drive me to tears. I tried to keep it tidy, managing this with self-regulation strategies, but somehow I have come to the conclusion that falling apart cannot always be averted or served with a dollop of distraction.
Sometimes, you simply have to feel, in order to notice the gentle murmurs inside, what your body might be trying to tell you.
It doesn’t mean you will forever be falling apart, but you learn gauge what you need and in doing so you become softer to your internal voice. A spectacle of vulnerability that is precious in its own right and should not be shunned, but rather given space.
During one of these episodes, I found myself watching an interview between Dr. Brené Brown and Oprah Winfrey, with Brown sharing some insight into the inspiration for one of her books that was released several years ago ‘Daring Greatly.’ The focus of ‘Daring Greatly’ is about daring to have the courage to be vulnerable and honest with ourselves, on our quest to living wholeheartedly.
In 2007, Dr. Brené Brown was writing on the topic of living wholeheartedly when she realized for the first time she wasn't walking the walk. The realization left her feeling lost and she broke down and sought intensive therapy, where she began to recognize it as a spiritual awakening.
In 2010, she shared that very experience to 500 people at a TEDx and candidly revealed her hours of Downton Abbey re-runs and consuming copious amounts of peanut butter on the sofa, led her to write and talk boldly about the topic of vulnerability.
Some of my favorite quotes from her book Daring Greatly:
‘Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path’ - Dr. Brené Brown.
‘Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection’- Dr. Brené Brown.
That ‘emotional exposure’ is something I have been no stranger to for quite some time and it once again reared its head recently. I received a comment on one of my posts on the subject of fear of rejection, something many of us experience at least once.
In short, it was a cold and rather detached observation that was written in such a way, it shut down the topic entirely. Someone who could not understand why people feared rejection, nor had any desire to understand why they might. What I found most intriguing was how this person framed this fear as a weakness, an achilles heel that served no purpose.
As I have come to understand with greater clarity, our fear of rejection or falling apart is as Dr. Brown talks about, part of the journey. It is not an ‘optional’ encounter, but something that we reflect, own and grow from. I do not believe we were ever meant to function with tunnel vision and not be curious about what is occurring or lingering within our peripheral vision, such as differing worldviews, stories; experiences from the mainstream to the marginalized.
From that place, we risk becoming short-sighted and forgetting the universal human experience, one that is full of contrasts, similarities and individual needs. Vulnerability is the lifeblood from which we learn to relate and lift up others, but equally it is humbling for it removes our guard and weakens our walls. Allowing us to welcome in wonder, appreciation, time, clarity and a lengthened perspective over ourselves and others.
What does the Bible say about vulnerability?
The Bible does touch on the idea of vulnerability and there are correlations to this throughout the life of Jesus and God’s guiding heart in books like Psalms:
‘And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.’ - Hebrews 10:24-25
It’s about encouraging each other and communing from a place of care. We don’t scorn those who might fall down, but giving what we can, so that when we see someone struggling we remind them that they are not alone.
‘Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.’ - Psalm 51:17
Being a christian does not mean putting on a flawless performance, but a progressive process of being continually renewed through your heart and mind. It's not about having it all together and repressing the feelings inside, but rather coming as you are. Sometimes, your pride has to be shattered in order for God to reach you at a greater depth and create emotional intimacy.
‘He humbled himself and became vulnerable, choosing to be revealed as a man and was obedient. He was a perfect example, even in his death—a criminal’s death by crucifixion’- Philippians 2:8
Jesus chose to humble himself and be a servant for mankind. An act of supreme unconditional love from God, in order to reach the wounded, the lost, the lonely and despairing souls that were seeking acceptance. He chose to affirm and not condemn those whose hearts were open and even though Jesus was one of the most hated men of that time, He still cried out for mercy over those who crucified Him.
Jesus’ vulnerability is one of strength, deliverance and a determination to cherish those who are humble and are not afraid to share their hearts.
As I continue to express my vulnerable parts, I encourage you to do the same and remember that falling apart is sometimes part of it, enriching you in the emptiness.
God is with you and He sees every moment, every tear, every heart ache, every fear, doubt; discouragement; every bit of confusion. I promise you He will replace it all with a bounty of blessings, as He stays with you through it all.
With Love
Georgie x