Self-compassion in the Face of Faith: Why does it feel so hard?

A discussion with my dear substack friend Sheila Daisy from The Self Worth Journal.

By Georgie James & Sheila Daisy from the The Self Worth Journal

1. The Struggle with Self-Compassion

(GJ)
Self-compassion in the context of Christianity can feel tough, particularly when so much of our faith is centralized around selflessly helping others. How can we show ourselves compassion and prevent burning out, getting down and falling into self-sabotage?

My dear friend Sheila Daisy and I dive in and share our experiences, with some applicable steps to help you.

Self-compassion has felt like a stranger to me for many years. Someone I have encountered on several brief occasions, but ignored. I have felt uncomfortable around it, maintaining a wall, trying to create a safe distance so as not to feel the full extent or magnitude of the melancholy, that rises up inside me.

(SD)
’For i know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper yo and not to harm you plans to give you a future and a hope.’ Jeremiah 29:11

There’s always been something about this verse, something I can’t really put a finger on but no matter how dark and deep the moments have been it’s been my anchor and one that proved to be my saving grace when I was rediscovering who I was and my self-worth.

We take for granted that being born a Christian does not grant anyone the right relationship with God. I have learnt that a real and genuine relationship is built individually and by our own experiences with, in and through Him.

There have been many times I’ve questioned and been angry at God because I just couldn’t understand why me, why not me and what was going on. In the thick of things, I never could understand even if the answer was right in front of me but the verse in Jer. 29:11 always reminded me of why I need to trust rather than question.

2. Disappointment, Self-Worth & Faith in Dark Moments

(SD)
So when I hit rock bottom some years back and realised that the root cause of all my suffering at that point, was my lack of self-worth I knew He must have a plan for why I should experience this.

Sometimes I find that God has a very strange sense of humour and that has come to light also on my path toward healing. If His plans for me are good and not harmful why have I been subjected to encounter mean experiences and people, was He trying to taunt me and see how far I could go? Why do I trust but still experience these things? Am I not good enough? Am I not loveable? Why me?

I began asking these questions then in moments of stillness I’d learn things about myself that made me better understand why all this was happening. I began to pick scriptures that spoke to my situation because there were days when shame felt like my closest companion and when past mistakes played on repeat in my mind.

3. Encountering God's Compassion

(GJ)
Compassion is different, like an old friend who you can sit with for hours, pouring over a shared memory or experience over a cup of tea. It does not seem to matter how much time lapses, between when you see each other, you just slip into a familiarity. It’s warm and comforting like a quilt you wrap around yourself and others.

That was until God showed me that in order to really draw closer and create capacity for others, I would need to mirror the same in my own life. This meant rather than stewing in shame, and self-deprecating thoughts over something, I could say a silent prayer of forgiveness to myself.

This would allow me to open up space where it felt like there was none. I have repeatedly heard God’s words over me from Matthew 11:28-30 ‘Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.’

(SD)
I couldn’t carry on as I was beating myself up because I knew I would treat a dear one as I was treating myself and so during one particularly difficult season, after a failed relationship left me questioning my worth, I found some solace in Isaiah 43:4: "Since you are precious and honoured in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life."

This verse struck me profoundly. If the Creator of the universe deemed me precious and honoured, who was I to argue?

4. Jesus: A Model of Compassion and Restoration

(GJ)
It reminds me of Jesus’ kindness towards Peter, cooking him breakfast after Peter’s betrayal prior to Jesus’ crucifixion. Peter got it wrong and says to Jesus how unworthy he feels in his presence. Yet Jesus with unfailing compassion cleans his dirty feet and reaffirms him with love, reminding him that nothing has changed between them.

‘I know you failed, but feed my sheep and follow me.’ This is not only Jesus showing grace and compassion to Peter, but it is also an invitation to Peter to look inward and show himself that same grace.

In the same way, we can speak to ourselves and say, ‘I know you failed, but keep going, spread that kindness to others, but don’t forget to feed yourself in the process.’

5. Creating Rituals of Healing and Affirmation

(SD)
I began writing this verse on Post-its and placing it around my bedroom and on my bathroom mirror, reciting it during my morning and evening routines. I don’t know when the shame and guilt disappeared but I know that I slowly began to see myself for who I am…

But there were very low days… when self-abandonment threatened to overwhelm me, I found myself returning to Psalm 139:14: ‘I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.’ This verse became my lifeline, which I got tattooed—a divine reminder that not loving and appreciating myself for who I am, meant criticizing God's intentional creation.

I started affirming my worth morning and evening… whispering - I am safe, I am loved and I am right where I need to be.

6. When Science Confirms Faith

(SD)
Dr Kristin Neff… defines self-compassion as including self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness—concepts deeply embedded in biblical and spiritual teachings.

In a 2016 study in the journal Health Psychology… people who practised self-compassion were more likely to adopt healthy behaviours after setbacks… My adoption of self-compassion and other healing rituals made me realise I was building a toolbox for the different phases of life.

7. Practices that Brought Change

(SD)
Compassionate Prayer Journaling – The texts come out as letters or as conversations between me and God… I express my feelings honestly, then pick scriptures that deal with whatever my challenge is and then quote God on what He says about that.

Scripture-Based Self-Talk – “I, [my name], am fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who doesn't make mistakes.” Hearing my name paired with biblical truth helped me internalize these messages.

Mindful Gratitude Practice – I would identify three ways I experienced God's grace that day, particularly noting moments when I showed myself grace.

8. Returning to Rest and Divine Grace

(SD)
After a significant personal disappointment about 2 years ago, I caught myself slipping into old patterns of self-neglect pushing myself till I got burnt out… I remembered that in Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus invites the weary to come to him for rest…

This awareness allowed me to pivot more quickly toward self-compassion. Being kind to myself shouldn’t come on a when I have time basis but rather be an integral part of my self-care.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

9. A Continuing Journey

(SD)
Self-compassion isn't self-indulgence or spiritual bypassing. Rather, it's aligning my view of myself with God's view of me… I say this is an ongoing journey because I still have moments when self-abandonment where everybody’s needs are more important than mine.

My faith reminds me that I am held in a love much larger than my accomplishments and a long to-do list—a truth that continues to be the foundation of my healing journey.

10. Final Encouragement

(GJ)
Through understanding that God is gracious beyond measure, he holds no record of your mistakes, therefore you do not need to keep record of past mistakes.

Spending time with Him, having a casual conversation about what is going on in your head. ‘Cast all your anxiety onto Him, for He cares for you.’ 1 Peter 5:7.

Challenging negative self-talk with affirmations that speak to you:

• I am loved by God, and nothing can separate me from His love.

• I am seen by God; I am cherished and valued by Him.

• God's love is a gift, not a reward; I can freely receive it.

• I am His child, and He loves me unconditionally.

• I am adopted into God's family.

We hope this gives some insight, encouragement and tools to bring comfort and hope, as you continue on your path towards self-compassion.
—Georgie & Sheila

You can find The Self Worth Journal by Sheila Daisy linked here. The Self-Worth journal newsletter explores topics on mindset, taking better care of ourselves, resilience, faith, finding opportunities for growth in life’s transitions and gratitude.