Not feeling good enough, but finding the courage to share it anyway.

You are always an artist, no matter what happens in life.

I spent an inordinate amount of time not feeling good enough. Every new endeavor, I found myself questioning, what qualifies me to share this with the world? How can anyone see my stamp of authenticity, when I myself feel like a fraud? A lot of this stems from a chronic sense of unworthiness, dating back to adolescence and beyond.

I studied Art at school and experienced quite a love/hate relationship with it, primarily because I was shoe-horned into adopting a style that fit the taste of the exam board.

I went against the grain a lot of the time and lost direction more than once, in my attempts to express myself fully, without constraint. I continued in my pursuit as a creative, because I held the belief that if I kept creating, something would eventually click.

In sixth form, I weathered many storms with my art teacher, who took such a disliking to me and dragged me down at any given opportunity. She once threatened to call the universities I had applied to and ask them to reconsider accepting me.

It was a gruelling year and a half of egg-shell walking, forced smiles and hyper vigilance on my part. Thankfully, my mum found a wonderful artist who was able to step in and guide me through the remainder of the course, with real encouragement.

When I reached university, I believed this would be finally the time where I would release all the disappointments, lack of self-belief and frustrations that I had. It did not take long for the cracks to show, I struggled to grasp some of the more technical parts of the course and during group feedback, I often felt overlooked.

I never harboured any bitterness towards my course mates, because I’ve always felt its important to champion others, lifting them up. I knew I didn’t want anyone else to feel as badly about themselves as I did.

I struggled to feel like my work was worthy and it was then I asked myself, did I have any talent? or had I spent years deluding myself into thinking I did?

Midway through the course, I was barely scraping by and scoring bottom of the barrel grades. It became a pivotal moment for me, I began to realise staying there was hurting me.

Dropping out felt like the best avenue, even though it was incredibly costly (both financially and emotionally). When I left on that overcast, drizzly morning in April 2018, I vowed I would never create an art again.

I clearly lacked the knack and skill to design, let alone transform something that fits a commercial brief. It was soul-crushing in a way that makes you question your very purpose on this earth.

It would take 5 years until I picked up a paintbrush or pen again. That’s 5 years of blocking out that creative channel, because I attributed it to so much heartache. By the grace of God, I did go on to complete a completely different degree in English Literature degree, which did rejuvenate something in me that I lost. Interestingly, I avoided taking any creative writing modules, as I remained convinced I would once again let myself down.

There are certainly parts of self that almost feel like they die inside of you, only to be resurrected at a later point in time. A flowering within takes place, even in the depths of what feels like the iciest winter inside and what comes from that is a rejoicing of this rebirth of your identity as an artist.

I remember reading somewhere that you are always an artist, regardless of how little you create. You never lose that name, it is inscribed in your heart and I believe it is a God-given gift that is waiting to be acknowledged, nurtured, harnessed or even given room to expand.

No amount of criticism, or rejection in this world can ever take away this inner power, that will with time; create impact and add immeasurably more value than you can imagine. So, instead of mercilessly confronting that part, as to why it is not living up to your expectations, give it some grace.

Give it a home where you actively nourish your creativity, rather than torture it. Allow yourself to experiment and fail, only to try again. Give yourself time to identify what inspires you or draws you closer and lean into that.

Whilst I believed that no one would care if I started sharing my art, because it is a saturated world; God had to show me that there was plenty of room at the table of gifts. There was a seat for me with my name and this remains open to all who are courageous enough to follow their heart calling. No one is excluded, it is an offering of hope that no one has to forgo their dream.

‘For we have become his poetry, a re-created people that will fulfill the destiny he has each given us.’- Ephesians 2:10

There is no eligibility criteria of any kind to be deemed worthy. We each have been skillfully crafted with a unique purpose. We are a work of art ourselves and therefore we have the ability to continue creating beauty, even out of our most broken places.

I create for myself and not out of a need to feel on trend, or current with what I think others would want to see. I spent too much time thinking and not enough time creating and that only led to analysis paralysis over my sense of self.

If being an artist is something you have grappled with for most of your life, please know that you do not carry the worldly burdens that come with that alone. You were made for a divine and unique purpose, which the world cannot destroy.

Even if it feels like you’re at the end of the road, trust me there is far more to your story that is coming. You never know who might be watching.

Below, I have included some artists whose work continues to elicit real joy and inspiration for me.

If you adore whimsical, cosy nature inspired illustrations that capture the casual magic of the everyday, this is for you:

Morgan Long

Randi Lynn Reed

Demelsa Haughton

So, take courage and share your art because this warped world needs it. I am rooting for you. I have included a poem below that is part of a collection I am gradually growing, I hope it encourages you, wherever you are at.

With Love

Georgie x

Table of Gifts

There’s a seat for you,

for the troubled, the doubtful and the downtrodden.

Here you can express yourself fully,

its safe, don’t worry.

There is no elitism here-

rather its a celebration of belonging.

A showcase of self in all its richness, texture and self-discovery.

Creative hearts, though bruised, battered and accused-

can find rest and feel renewed.

Come, there is more than enough space for you at this banquet of belonging.

You got this!