Meaningful conversations or soundbites?
Conversations and real connection is becoming harder, with the noise and the 'war for your attention' in the virtual realm.
I have for a while become accustomed to soundbites. Those small summaries you make in conversations with distant friends or family? The times when you have met for coffee and there is this rush, a sense of urgency to it. You feel compelled to share the short format, rather than break into any kind of discussion. This is not always the case of course, but it’s a pattern I have seen and I have wondered what it could be.
I have always been more of a listener, I enjoy hearing about what many people regard as the mundane or even the heavier parts of their life. For instance, I will happily watch someone cleaning their home, while talking in depth about their week or their behind the scenes struggles on YouTube. So often in the world, (especially the case for content creators) there is this pressure to make some elaborate show of daily life, presenting it through this rainbow tinted lens; in a bid to be worth engaging with.
Maybe it’s partly to do with the way society has become all about short, snappy, entertaining almost like the adverts we see everywhere. I think to myself why can’t more people sit with the heavier stuff of real substance? Why should content creators feel worried for sharing real life if it does not necessarily fit within the frame of a short form reel?
Perhaps it comes with being slightly more introspective. I love sitting and mulling things over in my mind. The same can be said for when I am with others, I am conscious that being present is really important. Too often it has felt like the opposite with some people.
I remember the times I used to meet up with my cousin, who would always be half glancing at me, then at her phone messaging someone else. Who had a tendency to derail the conversation if it didn’t hold her attention, or if she wanted talk about something else. At the time, I didn’t really understand what that was all about, but now it is clear to me. We live in a world where many people wish to converse in soundbites.
The blurbs, summaries and note-form way of talking about life and ourselves, is a result of many people’s overloaded schedules and limited attention spans. Social media plays a large role in that, as you can be simultaneously present in both the physical and virtual realm. However, this creates greater distance between yourself and reality.
The conclusion I have come to is this, are people just bored of regular conversations because they require more thought? or is our time so limited now that soundbites are preferable?
I understand that time is a luxury and rarely do people have an abundance of it to give. However, surely there must be a small part in everyone that craves connection through eye contact, laughter, tears, a lingering smile of reassurance? There’s an undeniable sense of healing and emotional nourishment that comes when you’re fully immersed in conversations with the right people.
The types that dive into the subterranean depths of the soul, to later surface with rich insight, hope, gratitude, empowerment and a multitude of other feelings. How can that same effect be achieved through the digital space or being half present?
‘Do you still perform autopsies on conversations you had lives ago?’- Donte Collins
If you had to think which conversations really impacted you, which ones come to mind? the ones that live in your head rent free, that stayed with you in some way. The ones that are forever ingrained in the recesses of your distant memory. They might have been the best or the worst conversations to date, but regardless they must have contained some substance, in order to be memorable?
I don’t think this level of analysis could be done on mere soundbites. There is just not enough depth or emotional investment, when you flit from one subject to another constantly without much thought. It says a lot about the attention we give to things.
I read an interesting article in ‘The Week’ recently that dissects this very topic. Some remarkable revelations on ‘the war for your attention’ and how costly that is long term.
‘If attention is the substance of life, then the question of what we pay attention to is the question of what our lives will be…all the time in the attention age you hear complaints about the gap between what we want to pay attention to and what we end up paying attention to.’-
The Siren’s Call: How attention became the world’s most endangered resource by Chris Hayes
We long to give attention to the things that truly matter to us, being intentional with where we spend our energy, but often we can find ourselves lost in the noise. Whether it might be a question of our political stance on something, negative energy you can feel reading the news, or celebrity clickbait. So many rabbit holes that we can fall down, that do not lead us anywhere good or beneficial; yet we find ourselves consumed by the noise it creates.
It feels unavoidable, but I have learned to hold onto the simple things that bring me joy. The more time spent dawdling on a long walk in nature, drawing, writing, reading or going to your favourite café; the greater the chances of feeling like your cup has been filled. Wholly content with an optimism that is not forced but genuine, alongside a level of calm that can only be felt when we prioritize our nervous system.
The pandemic forced us to re-evaluate a lot in our lives. How being in isolation, away from regular conversations with others, you can begin to feel the strain that comes with loneliness. However, if we started to savour our connection with the world around us, including conversations, how much more uplifting would our interactions be? How much more hope and companionship could we offer? if only momentarily to help ease someone’s mind from doom spiraling.
I am not advocating that people freely offload onto others whenever they want, but rather making space for those unexpected encounters. The times when real heart connection is needed between people and not the snack-sized version. I think many more people are working towards being more intentional with their time, and the fact that phones can track your daily screen time; helps with this immensely.
After all, life unplugged, a liberated mind and self-awareness is far better anyway.
I hope this encourages all of you out there and I would love to know your thoughts or experiences below.
With Love
Georgie x