Insecurities unpacked: how travel changes you
Unearthing insecurities and embracing them everywhere.
There is no secret to how much courage it takes to move countries and the impact that can have on you emotionally, stretching you beyond what you believe you’re capable of. Expanding new horizons within, and forcing you to come to terms with this new version of yourself, under construction in this brave new world.
It is an admirable endeavour to pack up your life and go soul-searching in another country.
I carried emotional baggage
When I left the UK over 6 months ago, I was not in the healthiest mindset, but I was excited for what was next. I had no plan, or anything in concrete but one thing I did; was labour on this idea of myself with plans, a busy body. Someone who threw themselves into a need to do, to show I was worth something. Anything less than a defined outline, a spiel of sorts to stop questions in their tracks helped avert the shame that lay inside of me.
Looking back I realize as I packed my bags, I had also packed up my shame and arrived with more emotional baggage than physical baggage. I felt guilt for having not said farewell to the few friends I had. I felt shame for not having a plan, being lonely and a sense I was lagging behind my peers; with my current status in life.
I started seeing outside of myself more
Like waves that refused to recede, these same feelings crept up on me, as I adapted to a new way of life in Myanmar. However, it also brought a revelation of sorts, awakening in me, a need to see beyond my present challenges. British culture can too often promote ego-centric values and a self-absorption, that I did not fully see until I left.
I knew I fell into a category of being too absorbed in my own head and that a perspective shift was needed, not necessarily to negate my experiences, but to add greater cultural context of wider social struggles.
Through the encounters I had, I began learning more about the political turmoil and the livelihoods swept up in the midst of it. I started seeing outside of myself more.
I forced myself to see the immense poverty, children as young as five lurking in the streets, dancing between traffic in the sweltering heat, selling flowers. Young boys fearing being dragged away into military conscription (currently a very real threat in Myanmar). Women walking barefoot with a baby in tow, fending for themselves in this war.
This not only made me more grateful for what I have, but also challenged me. Faith spoke softly and I could feel God prompting me in his ever gentle way. My insecurities around feeling judged here, desperately trying to establish a purpose and friendships was a fear I needed to relinquish.
Busyness versus being present
If I just took the time to connect with this new home and the people, I would see my old insecure self start to slip away. I would start to make sense of what I could offer people, rather than obsessively filling my time mindlessly; so I could say ‘I’m busy.’ We Brits have a default mode that clicks into, ‘I’m busy.’
It was Immanuel Kant who wrote: ‘the busier we are, the more acutely we feel that we live, the more conscious we are of life.’ However, I am firmly of the belief that we can be far more present with ourselves and see the full scope of our experiences, when we step away from busyness.
I have always been prone to launching myself into opportunities, without thought, regardless whether they were right or not. Now rather than prying open doors in desperation, I knock gently and wait. I have found that the waiting season is so much more enriching, teaching patience, endurance and a refinement of self takes place, as you prepare for what is next. When you start understanding that not everything automatically falls into place, nor is that delay a direct reflection of you or your value, you find peace.
There is a great quote by Robin Sharma that reads ‘getting lost along your path is a part of finding the path you are meant to be on.’ Feeling lost can amplify so much of your insecurities, but simultaneously it can also ignite a new level of resilience, alongside an awareness of who you are outside of societal expectations.
I know that this path of faith has led me to a season of holding space, with greater capacity for others; that I have never had the energy or means to do before now. It can at times feel like doors are yet to open and others seemingly slam shut, but I continue to trust the timing in this transition. I know that there are many hearts here and beyond that need to be fed and nurtured. Now more than ever, people are craving human connection in the haze of the hustle.
It is worth remembering that a lot of our unwanted feelings and insecurities can in time create something far greater than you can imagine. An oyster will not produce a pearl, unless it has been wounded in a way. The pearl is a product of this healed wound, produced after layering a tiny grain of sand repeatedly. If nature can create something so precious and distinctive, just think what you can do if you embrace where you are.
How can you feel more at peace and give yourself grace for these wounds and insecurities you may have? Here are some ways:
Being open about them and journaling or speaking about these fears that you have, so you can find the root cause. Once we know the root cause, we can give evidence against any one of these insecurities we may have.
Avoiding or repressing those feelings is like numbing them with pain killers, rather than addressing them. It is also about knowing that these insecurities are not a weight for you to carry. You don’t need to be so self-reliant, because God’s hands can hold all your doubts.
Your insecurities do not define you, for you are chosen and cherished
Filling your mind with truth and not lies about yourself, the way God sees you and not the world. The world tends to have a way of dosing us with more self-improvement hacks, ‘feel good’ mantras and highlighting what we individually lack. However, the passages below are a reminder that you don’t need to earn favour, adoration or acceptance.
Your insecurities do not define you, for you are chosen and cherished by God.
Let this bring you comfort to the parts of you that wrestle with feeling insecure:
I will not condemn you, for I was condemned for you (John 8:10, 2 Corinthians 5:21).
Come to me, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).
I will love you forever and unfailingly (Psalm 103:17).
I will fill you with peace (Philippians 4:6–7).
I will make you more secure than you have ever dreamed (Psalm 27:5; 40:2).
It sometimes is worth asking yourself, do I show compassion to myself when I am feeling insecure?
What were you conditioned to believe growing up around expectations and who you felt you needed to become?
If you have travelled, what insecurities have been unearthed for you? (if you feel comfortable sharing, let me know in the comments).
May you be filled with hope and self-compassion for yourself this week.
With Love
Georgie x
Beautifully crafted. Thank you for sharing. In my case, it has always been curiosity what makes me hit the road, but sometimes it has also helped me escape from terrible losses (beloved ones passing away). It's interesting that the Biblical references you shared described to the point what meditation has been for me.
What a beautiful experience I hope to also have one day. Thank you for sharing ♥️