I felt like a fraud: thoughts on feeling unqualified

Writing poetry and feeling like a fraud.

The other week I released a poem from a collection I have been slowly building for months. It was the first time I had ever shared something so deeply personal in the form of creative writing. I have never once written a poem in my life before this, unless you count the cringey classroom display work we used to do in primary school.

I wanted to finally brave it. I no longer wanted to see myself as unqualified, lacking or limited. I also talk about this in my latest podcast, which you can access here on Substack.

I have an English Literature degree, but I veered so far away from the creative writing modules, there was no way I was going anywhere near those. I did not feel worthy or like I could muster up the words. Added to which the prospect of sharing my work in seminars, made me feel positively nauseous. I was so afraid people would laugh or I would be met with crickets.

Poetry is so subjective, what one person deems as deserving, another may say ‘I’m sorry, I simply do not see it.’

You can dig as deep as the earth’s mantle in some cases, but not everyone will connect with your work, simply because we all experience the world through a different lens. Some of us are sensitive, others brash, bold and straight-talking. Some are factual, unfiltered, intellectual, reserved and some are emotionally numb.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

This is what I have come to understand with writing a collection of poems and the mindset you have to maintain. Not everyone will ‘see you.’ How much you are seen is by no means a metric to measure your capability against. There is so much emphasis placed on having an audience or building one and whilst that is a part of it, it is not the end of the world if all you’re left with is crickets.

Crickets are the backdrop to what is brewing in the silence, resilience, humility, self-belief, perseverance. If you can survive crickets, you are stronger than you think.

The fraud in me says ‘who will possibly want to read what you have written?’ there are so many more talented poets out there, many don bestseller titles, or have been in the writing game for many years. Here on Substack, as well as the wider world. I think of some of the famous poets who I admire, Emily Dickinson, Mary Oliver, Nikita Gill, the list goes on. What could I possibly offer that has not already been articulated into artful words?

Then I think, there’s a poem for each precious person in this world. Even for those who do not identify with poetry as something they need or want. There is a universal yearning like never before and words themselves fill the voids, that society rips open. They are a companion in the carnage, to nurture, teach, lead, grow, carry and hold you close. They bring order to the clutter , warmth to our brittle bite of loneliness, consolation in depths of despair.

Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash

Words awaken feeling for the first time, after numbing everything. They are a voice to the unspoken. People do not necessarily have to understand your words fully, if it simply evokes a feeling or a passing thought, a memory; capturing a moment in time locked away, then you have done something remarkable.

I think people’s predicament with poetry stems from school and the way in which it was taught, in an almost analytical way. It was so heavily focused on form, we lost the very essence of making a poem your own without parameters in place. A narrative in its own right.

Perhaps it is a reflection of the world, if we fixate too much on the technical, the factual and scientific, we lose out on the hidden heart and its beauty. This might be where my imposter self came into existence, from feeling like poetry was a science, rather than an art.

We must respond to the call of the unqualified and lead that revolt against the voices that tell us ‘we won’t survive.’ Survival against silence, solitude, loneliness, lack of confidence, or even an audience.

God has taught me the importance of following His footsteps, particularly when I feel like a fraud. There is something He sees in that place of imposter-hood, that human eyes can never quite focus in on. When we feel like we are way out of our depth, in a place we don’t feel we belong, He uses it for His glory. That feeling like a fraud can leave us immobile because we are focused inward, reminding us that we will never be the standard of others. However, God takes that part of us and helps us to look outward.

Focusing on God and taking that outward view has enabled me to see how He can change the dimensions of our perspective, stretching it to encompass far more than we might believe is possible. Whilst it does not mean an overnight fix and it may not fully eradicate those imposter feelings, it offers us a quiet knowing that He is working in those corners of our being. After all, you are His precious, chosen child who He adores.

So I encourage you to not give up on yourself. Keep writing and be ever watchful for how God will use you.

I leave you with a passage from Peter, which I hope will be a source of comfort for the times when you feel like a fraud or you question what you will amount to.

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9

Remember, His love for you spans space and time. He notices each courageous step that you take and is cheering you on from the sides.

With Love

Georgie x